I'm back again! I took some time off from technology to soak up all of the sites and sounds from our home and just really relish in the Christmas graces. I hope all of you are enjoying this season! I keep telling the kids that we are STILL celebrating Christmas. How fast the world wants us to forget! Good thing I have Christmas music on CD and DVR, cause it can't be found on radio and most TV stations.
One of my greatest joys this Christmas was that our parents and Jeff's brother Jason got to witness all of the commotion after coming home to find that Santa had come during Mass on Christmas Eve . It was so special having them with us! I love that our children had both sets of grandparents and that our parents were able to relive special moments from our childhoods. It was also a treat to have five extra adults to assemble toys and gadgets with us!
We went to the nursing home Christmas day to visit my Grandmother and I enjoyed her enjoying my kids. I was taken back to my childhood and going to her home for Christmas Eve, so many good times. Yet, that day, she was there in the nursing home, not able to get out and join in the family celebration for the first time in her life. The leader of the pack now sitting in a wheelchair relying on others for basic needs. It's funny how life comes full circle isn't it?
The days after Christmas have brought us many unforgettable moments with family and friends, that will be cherished forever. Jeff's sister Kelly and her husband Ben joined us for most of last week and it was awesome to have them with us again! They are so special to us. Christmas on my side of the family was wonderful as well! Our newlyweds to be, my brother Ryan and his pretty Brittany got us all thinking of the fun we will have celebrating with them in July. My brother Ross and his girlfriend Jen brought even more fun to the table when playing cards. I can't imagine this holiday without family and our children near us.
My emotions did not fully rear their head until the day after Christmas. I was hit with my sadness like a ton of bricks that boxed me in and there was no escaping. I found myself crying for most of the day, unexpected, I have to admit. I thought that Christmas Eve or Day would be horrible. But, no, the day after! I think I was so focused on getting all of the food and presents ready that my emotions took a backseat. (She was so thought about on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, in fact Mass was a hard thing to get through dry eyed. Away in a manger took me back to that hospital bed where we held our little girl for the first time.) We celebrated Christmas with Jeff's family on this Monday. I know they have seen me and my tears before but for some reason I felt like this should be a happy time and I should not bring others down with me. I drove out to the cemetery with Kalea in the afternoon, thinking that would help, but it seemed to make things worse. I tried to keep my distance at home for awhile before going back to the celebration. Once back, I could keep it in, just barely! Supper starting and Jeff's Grandpa Bert not joining us for the first time ever was the end for me. I could feel the unspoken sadness in the room and see it in my husband's eyes. I fed Biggs off to the side with teary eyes. When it was time for me to eat I had to go downstairs and let everything loose for quite awhile. I am happy to say that the night got better. A little of my brother in laws humor and a hug seemed to be just what I needed. He hugged me saying that it was OK to cry like hell, that he was there for me like everyone else in the house. Spark is a septic and waste specialist and assured me that while he is pumping others septic tanks, he is part time counselor. He offered his services telling me that I would not believe the things people share with him and seek his counsel on!
I thank you Lord for your steadfast love, the memories we have and your abundance of grace and humor during periods of intense grief.
Thank you all for your continued prayers, many blessings this new year!
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